Let Me Not Google That for You

Technology can answer a lot of our questions. But should it?

Asking someone a question is a form of connection. It can be a vulnerable ask for help, or just an excuse to talk to a friend.

The other day I wanted to know how to measure the rise of a pair of pants. I could have googled it, or asked AI (same thing these days, really). But I have a good friend from college who is a professional designer. I had a brief thought: “Am I wasting her time? Am I burdening her unnecessarily? Should I RTF(Sewing)M?” But I pushed past it, feeling confident my friend would see the question for what it was: a bid for a moment of connection.

The tension between wanting to make a connection and not wanting to be a burden comes up all the time. And it’s not always so easily resolved.

Someone who snaps “RTFM!” or sends you a link to LMGTFY likely does feel burdened or exploited. That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong, but their needs matter too. Maybe they’ve been asked that question a dozen times that week. Or maybe this is the first time, but they want it to be zero times — zero connection. Connection is a human need, but nobody can be connected to everyone. Digital life exposes us to so many people, sometimes we need to shut ourselves off from connection just to get by, like the stereotypical New Yorker passing hundreds of people every day and not connecting to a single one of them.

I wonder if we’ll start to get acronyms like ATFAI (Ask The Fucking AI) or whether AI might represent something of a tipping point - a moment that forces us to grapple with just how much technology is replacing human relationships and how devastating that is for us, individually and as a culture.

In the end, my philosophy is: ask the person or tool that gets you the connection you want in that moment - with care for the amount of connection they may want. But that’s a very long acronym.