The wheels on the bus go flying off...

This story about an elderly woman bullied by middle-schoolers on a bus has been making the rounds of the internet today. There’s a lot of things being said about the kids in the video, and most of it is probably deserved, but I don’t know that any of it is helpful.

From the MetaFilter thread (I haven’t looked at the Reddit one, which is likely much harsher):

Yeah I could only watch about 30 seconds of that video and had to stop. It was too upsetting. How do people become so sociopathic?

I’m a bit comforted by the fact that, had I been there at that age in my life, there’s no doubt I would have come out swinging on those little shits. I’m more distraught and disturbed that no one actually did.

These kids show mankind in its raw state. We learn to mask our barbarism as we get older. Our whole “civilization” is based on this kind of group savagery.

i feel like these kids are going to grow up and be the kind of people other people need to have therapy and askme in order to deal with (like someone on askme recently who has a MIL that kicked her cat and then made of fun of her for comforting the wrong cat. i can see that MIL being one of these kids.)

There’s also plenty of quotes urging folks to show these kids the empathy they denied Karen Klein - obviously there are lots of people with lots of different opinions.

Here is mine.

Yes, some people are sociopaths. Some people do little but cause others pain. But most of the pain and the hurt in this world comes from “normal” people, and to deny that is to deny our own responsibility in making our communities as safe and as pleasant as possible. Part of that is altering our school system to mitigate bullying. And part of that includes showing bullies like these kids compassion. Not shielding them from consequences. But making it clear, through words and consequences, that society expects more from them. That we know they can grow into better people.

Because they can. I did.

For most of my childhood, I was the bullied, not the bully. But for one year, when I was in seventh grade, I gained a little bit of social power and used it, in part, to make other people miserable. On the last day of school, on the bus ride home, I picked a fight with a classmate. He ended up having to go to the hospital and get stitches in the back of his head. He gave me a bruised rib, too, but it was very much my fault - I was angry at him for making fun of me, and for being kinda sexist, and for some reason I can no longer remotely comprehend, I thought the best thing to do was to physically attack him.

There were consequences. I got charged with assault, I was pretty much grounded that summer, school was hell the next year. But what I remember most about the aftermath was my family’s response: they told me what I did was wrong, they told me they were horribly disappointed, and they told me they loved me and knew I could use the experience to change and to grow.

And I did. I think I am a pretty good person, now. I think my existence makes society better, not worse.

My point in relating this story is to say: no, these kids aren’t monsters, not any more than I was. Some of them may very well grow up to be sociopaths, but they may also grow up to be doctors, social justice activists, good parents, excellent friends. I believe pretty strongly in Restorative Justice, and it’s never more needed than when working with kids, who posses such potential both for harm and for good.